Single Life: I’m Not a Player I Just…

Hmmm which one applies to me: I’m not a player I just f*ck a lot? I’m not a player I just lust a lot? Or I’m not a player I just date a lot because I can’t seem to find what I want? All three have applied to me at some point in my adulthood. Hell, if I’m being honest, they still do! But, as of late I’ve entered into my prime and though I’m uncertain of how long it will last, I am sure that it’s going to be a great time to be alive.

Last week, I had a tarot card reading with a young woman that I met via Facebook. I asked her what the future held for me in the love and career departments and was very pleased with the results. Career wise, I’m making strides towards something that I actually love and as long as I continue to push, the doors will open. Cool. Sounds great to me. But as far as the love thing goes, she said that I’d needed a bit of work which is factual. You have to work hard for anything that you want but as I continued to read what she had to say,  I had an “AHH” moment.

I was told that I had a very “single” energy. She said that even if I am pursuing someone or in the midst of dating, I still give off a vibe of being “single”. I nodded my head while reading those words because I knew EXACTLY what she meant. A lady friend said that I’m “low key the King of the Friend Zone” and I had to concede and agree. My dating history after my last relationship has been quite interesting to say the least. I know within the first moments of interaction with woman if there’s a possibility of a relationship with substance. Sex won’t keep me invested very long especially if the basis of our intimate connection is purely physical. Why waste each other’s time if we are well aware of our limitations?

Have I been “hurt” before by previous situations? Sure but I try my best to never reciprocate those negative experiences with those that I’m dating. And most of the time, I allowed myself to be put into positions where I could be hurt which was always caused by bad judgment. At times, I want a committed loving relationship but there are instances where I just want consistent sex with someone that I actually like. To keep the hurt away, it’s an imperative that my desires are communicated first and foremost before anything can start. There’s nothing worse than lines being blurred and hearts being broken which caused a bit of drama for me in late Summer of 2015. Never again.

I’ve been called a player before or “trouble” by people that knew nothing of my personal life and I had to laugh; They couldn’t have been more incorrect with their assumptions. If we were discussing sex by numbers then statistically yes, I’d fit the bill due to having more the average amount of partners that men reportedly have in their lifetime but to judging that off of my actual life would lead to a very different conclusion. Life just happens and I try to figure it out as it comes. To quote Jay-Z from Kingdom Come’s “Beach Chair” I’m “Carving out my space in this world of fly girls” all for the desire to be loved and to love in return.

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