For some, the single life is a bit too much. Some believe that being alone is reflection of romantic ineptitudes while another percentage of the population rides the wave. I know how it feels to be in both positions. Moments of self loathing wondering what in the hell was wrong with me and then through self exploration coming to the realization that all of my problems were all self made projections.
I’ve had one legit girlfriend in my life. Well, in my mind it was one but before her there were a few misfires or maybe it’s more suitable to categorize those past experiences as trial and error. There was a girl that I dated for a month and I knew it wouldn’t last long. We were completely different people. Our backgrounds, aspirations in life, etc., were all headed in opposite directions and although I tried to maintain it, it proved to be an exercise in futility. I found myself in similar situations for the next few years until I met my ex-girlfriend and once we broke up, history repeated itself.
What’s even crazier is that a lot of what I encountered is of my own doing. I settled. I settled a lot because I had that mentality that who I dated or hooked up with at the time was the best that I could do and that couldn’t have been further from the truth. The ultimate psych out is telling yourself that you aren’t deserving of the best or you aren’t deserving of love because of how things appear to be and as we all know appearances can be very deceiving.
I can thank a psychic who didn’t charge me a dime via an Internet radio show for helping me make sense of things. She said that I had been hurt before and it altered my mind in such a way that it led to building a wall around my heart. The more that I thought about it, the more that I understood my current placement in life on the love side of things. I had to let it go. I couldn’t hold grudges against the women that mistreated me. Not to sound cold but as they say in New Jack City, “Always business never personal”. Love like life is an incredible teacher that may leave you with incredulous lessons.
The Saga Continues…