One Shot: Walnut Room Memories, May 2010

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I’m very reflective and there are positives and negatives to that. The positive is the ability to draw strength and wisdom from past challenges and the negative is never letting the past go. I can’t be Married With Children’s Al Bundy still boasting about his glory days when he scored “four touchdowns in a single game” for Polk High. I look at the picture that I shared and laugh at an era that I began to my search of self. I started working as a photographer and I was always out and about, chasing exposure and though I gained connections, little happened for me on a professional level and years later, once I “lost” my Canon 7D, most of those connections faded away. I was used but I allowed it naively thinking that I’d be able to get better opportunities but in Philly, most of these “popular” people get what they can get from you and once that well runs dry they keep it moving. No harm no foul but at least I’m aware of the business now and going forward nothing moves but the money.

And to be COMPLETELY honest, I feel like even at the point I’m at in my life, that MY LIFE hasn’t been my life. Many people see me one way as if that’s all I am and the moment that I say or do something that’s unexpected, yo people catch attitudes with me like I’m bugged out AND I HATE THAT. Sometimes people give me too much credit and others don’t give me enough. I’m more complex than most people and I have my weird ways. I’ve had to deal with it from those that I know personally to perfect strangers and it’s caused me a great deal of stress, like HULK ANGRY… HULK BREAK INTO RED LOBSTER AND STEAL EVERY CHEDDAR BISCUIT!!! I hope that I don’t blow a gasket and end in up in a straight jacket at Shady Acres Mental Hospital yelling for am imaginary coach to put me in the game. As much as I want to be honest, I’m still plagued with worrying about others feelings and not being the object of their angst but that’s the bullshit that I developed as a child and that shit has to end. I rather be hated but respected instead of being liked and easy to mow over.

Life $h*t…

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